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Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Speak No Feeling, No I Don't Believe You...

I am going to touch on something that has been in the back of my mind for quite a few days now which I have touched on with a Facebook note a few months ago.  Making an excuse for anything that follows, I will not do, because anything I say, I believe personally, and I have such a strong opposition to lies that you can be assured anything you read by way of me is genuine.

Having a support system in a time of tragedy or need is great and something we all need and appreciate from time to time, the problem is the insincere individuals who always seem to swarm to such gatherings.  When certain people in our lives who we have not spoken to in a significant amount of time hear of some issue we are having, they suddenly tend to show up to the comfort scene, not because they actually care, but because they feel obligated to do so.  Being completely honest with myself and any of you, religious people are the absolute, most unquestionably horrible when it comes to practicing this fallacy.  I can say that because I lived there.  I was unintentionally taught that by the church and practiced it regularly.  Showing sympathy to a situation is just fine and welcomed by those going through a particularly rough time, but the exaggerations of false support and empty promises of others tends to infuriate me.  If you only remember or "care" about someone when they are in a vulnerable state, you are telling a lie to them and yourself and taking steps for a selfish ego boost.  I am not saying this to judge and if you do not agree with me, I support that decision, but at the same time I ask that you reflect upon it because I am willing to bet you already have thought of a personal moment of this happening to you when tackling a serious issue or instance in life.  Empty gestures prove false relationships; remember that.

I said all of the former with the intention of bringing up an idea that follows the same path, but many of us seldom practice in a proper manner.  Why is it that we do not tell people what they mean to us without a motivated, personal reason?  Coming to someone to share condolences in a time of tragedy or discomfort is very easy because we are expected that much compassion if we are given the opportunity to experience human emotional connection with one another.  But, where were we before the "expected" instance of support occurred?  Did that person just not matter enough to us on any other day?

As I have told you all before, I feel my purpose in life was unfortunately lived out many years ago when it passed right by me and I am currently just taking the next necessary steps to survive whatever is next thrown into my direction on a daily basis.  People should be encouraged constantly and without shame.  Stepping forward to tell someone how wonderful they are and how much genuine care or love you have for them should not be limited to a holiday, life event, or bad circumstance.  I wish the world operated that simply and people could show a true sense of support to each other on a regular basis without any pretenses and without any expectations of returned gratitude.  Being thoughtful and encouraging without anything in mind for our own, personal gain has all but disappeared from the world, if it ever existed at all.  

There is a difference between actual, touching compassion for people and simply allowing yourself to be walked on by others.  Unfortunately that line has been blurred by us all and someone who cares more than the average human being is often attempted to be taken advantage of when their intentions never strayed from anything but genuine respect and thoughtfulness.  We are all guilty of abusing others just as much as we are all guilty of going into "thoughtful" situations with a reciprocal expectation of our own gain in mind.  

The whole meat of this blog was just to remind us all that we can actually show people they are appreciated for no reason other than wanting to do so.  Waiting for a certain date and time, or event to transpire is not necessary.  Knowing an individual inside and out before telling them you think they have great personal qualities is also not required, but unfortunately, we often have to give a pretty long preface to keep the other party from assuming we are going into that place for our own personal gain or a sustained, romantic interest in them.  

I want to do better.  I want to tell those I love and care about that I appreciate them, all they do, and who they are whenever I feel the need without being stared at or having them be under the assumption that I have another motive behind that action.  Also, I want to show the world that opening up and encouraging others with our words as well as actions does not mean we are vulnerable people and is not an invitation for them to stomp us down.  We need to get real and begin doing for everyone else a bit more.  Tell your friend she is beautiful and mean it without a romantic interest,  tell a new friend that you admire what they do in whatever capacity you see,  show appreciation and gratitude to someone you may have lost touch with and let them know they are still important and valued by you, for no other reason than saying so.  Most importantly of all...give selflessly and live more humbly so you can notice the sparkle in the eye of someone else instead of feeding your own psyche.

Grace and Peace,



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