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Friday, April 5, 2013

I Think I'm Ready, As Long As You're With Me...

    Sometimes I am fairly certain that if the majority of the world could see things through my eyes, they would make quick work of calling me insane in one way or another. Over the years I have changed my way of thinking and my own daily actions considerably because nothing ever seemed to fit right. Flash back to about ten years ago and I was the Christian nutjob handing out Bible tracts at the fair. Add on a few years of growth and I am still as strong in my faith as I was back then, but when I see people doing something like that it makes me think “Maybe I WAS nuts afterall. Why did I think something like that would be effective?” I had the blinders on and let people convince me of silly things before I decided to actually begin thinking for myself. I started thinking too much in some ways and since then, doing so is a constant struggle because my brain has developed to remember every little thing. Some people look back at a certain span of life and say: “Those few years were a blur.” I cannot do that, at all. Though sometimes I wish I could...
    I looked at my phone late last night when I woke up at random and had nothing else to do during one of those instances of not wanting to get up, but needing to do something. I opened the “Notes” App and started scrolling around. This is the place where I jot down ideas for things I want to write about as they pop into my head, and that is really all I use it for. I started counting... In 2010, I had jotted down five entires, in 2011 there were twenty-four, in 2012 there were fifty-four, but this year alone, since January 1st, I have jotted down seventy-three different ideas. Some of these topics, ideas, and phrases make no sense, some of them end up as my Facebook status in the morning (if I do not cite an author in those, that means I thought it up and now you know where it came from), and some end up here, in what you are reading. As I said a few entires ago, I write quite a bit now.
    I really do not think I am a great writer anymore than I believe I am a great guitar player or a great songwriter. Self-confidence is something that I do have, but paying attention to how I go about things and the effects it has on anyone else is something I rarely pay attention to unless I am told, which does not happen all too often; but I am very well with that. The things I do that define me and who I am or what I enjoy are just that; things I do because of the joy that comes from them. Many years ago, I had a shot a doing something with my music and turned it down. After that I stepped away for a few years and somewhat fell apart. A similar instance happened with my free-writing. The rigors of writing Hermeneutic papers and throwing down small small novels of term papers all based upon Biblical opinion meant I did not care to write anything down in my spare time anymore. I fell apart further. Anything I was given a shot at being something of substance through, I fear I missed the chance. No regrets.
    The problem I see, and what consumed me with music when I was younger is based around the lust of whatever it is you are doing and the chance of fame or just being cocky. Goals are different, so keep that in mind as you continue reading this. Being the best at whatever it is you love is a wonderful thing, but doing so for the wrong reasons is a setup for failure. When I worked in golf, I would see dads feverishly trying to get their little boys and girls of Elementary School age interested in the game, sometimes to the point of force. During that time they would jab me in the stomach and say things like “He's going to be the next Tiger Woods.” or “I won't have to pay for college if he/she sticks with this.” Saying those thoughts out loud is fine and well as a lighthearted joke, the problem is, most of these parents were completely serious and acted like drill instructors to their children. Have you ever seen a dad yell at a ten year old girl on a putting green for missing a ten foot putt? I have.
    If our only goal is to turn the things we love into money or fame (or force such on our children), the world falls apart much more easily. Name one child singer who has been on a talent-based TV show in recent time and has made it anywhere? Do you remember Billy Gilman? I did not think so. Children can be talented, but being cognitively prepared for the demands of the entertainment industry, they are not. Rather than let the child grow and develop a talent they love, some are forced into all of this prematurely by those in their circle. Sometimes we even do this to ourselves. Like when you buy a lottery ticket and the thoughts of seven or eight figures go through your head, that is how I felt about music years ago and the main reason I am happy I rejected the opportunity.
    Give everything you love a shot at success, but we also have to keep a humble heart and grounded feet in these endeavors or disappointment often ensues. I say we should just do what we love because we love it and let the chips fall where they may. Never pass up a great opportunity in any facet of life, but never expect to be handed anything either. Something I have said before is that we should all leave behind a legacy. If I were handed a music or writing opportunity tomorrow, I surely would not turn it down again. With the same mindset, I will also not be disappointed if nothing happens to that effect. Why not? I have a legacy of sorts. If I die sometime in the near future, I have a pretty big trail right behind me because I now try to stay committed to anything I do with music, writing, my family, or my friends. Getting there took quite a while though. What none of you know is that I have a catalog of over a hundred songs of original cuts and remixes stored on various media at my house. I send a song to a friend of mine every single day and have since October of 2012. Some are better than others, but I love doing it and I will not stop anytime soon. I also have these random blog/note posts that show my opinion to not just those I care about, but apparently the entire world (since I was sent some random hate message from a person with horrible grammar a few weeks ago in relation to these). I also have many pages of similar writing saved on my hard drives. The purpose being something I can be remembered by one day.
    Maybe the things I do today and small bits that I leave behind in my life will one day amount to a career in my two loves of music and writing because it happened to fall into the right hands, but more likely not. For now, I will keep typing, keep strumming, and keep thinking far too much. If you have been given your chance to do something great in life, I commend you and hope you excel at it in every way you can while keeping humble and never forgetting who you really are. As for me? I believe I was given my shot and declined it, so I will sit right here and work on leaving something behind for whomever wants to know who I was in life. For those who do not care to know, they never will...

Grace and Peace

Current Song: The xx – Angels

Twitter: JdrewSilvers
YouTube:  http://www.youtube.com/drewcoustic
Facebook:  http://www.facebook.com/drew.silvers



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