Sometimes when I scroll through the Documents folder on my computer I think to myself “Man, I am like the Tupac of random blog-writing.” What I mean by this is that I have this large collection of blogs/notes I have written continually over time that I either publish on Facebook when I feel like it, or they get sort of lost in the abyss of things that will never be brought to light publicly. I write nearly as much as I read, and aside from adding these random and often silly intro paragraphs, I can just pick one to put up when I want to. Often times I do write from scratch and throw it right onto Facebook, but letting something I have finished sit for a few days lets me think it over a bit more and decide if it is worthy to be read by someone else or possibly makes me look like an idiot.
“Nice guys finish last.” Yes, they sure do. Now, do not go off the deep end on me before you allow me to explain my viewpoint on this. My perspective changed quite a bit when I heard Jenna Mourey (JennaMarbles) talk about how the nice guys do not finish last, but simply chase after the wrong people in life whether it be in a friendship or a romantic pursuit. I can understand that, as is very often the case. A person like me, for example would be met with a world of trouble if I went after women who spend all of their free time in night clubs or on drinking binges; that just is not who I am and not who I identify with. That would be a great opportunity to get hurt and stomped on. No thank you.
I spent most of my teenage years and early twenties standing back and watching other people screw up their relationships enough to know I probably should not be in one. Seeing relationships crumble to pieces as an outsider looking in is riddled with instances of thinking your friends are completely stupid if I am being honest. Dating has never really been my thing because I cannot see past the fake factor of the process when it comes to figuring out someone new. We even have magazines that focus on “tips” to play games with the people we are dating for the sake of self-fulfillment or to assure being the superior counterpart of the situation. The sad thing is, we actually buy into these ideas and think it part of the normal, healthy process. I cannot. I will not. I have found very, very few people on either side who share this idea with me and will actually practice it. Guess what? I am fine with that.
Before I get people believing my continuation paragraphs are a ploy to fish for comments and thoughts of: “You'll find someone.” I will throw it right on the table and say that is not at all what I am looking for. The reality of what I have discovered in my twenty-seven years is that I am not the boyfriend, and I will probably never be the husband either. I am not what is pursued in that respect. What I mean by the latter is that I am the friend and always have been; it is very likely that is what I will always be to everyone. As far as I am aware, I am not really on anyone's radar and I am content with it being so because I stay fairly low-key. A client actually asked me a few weeks ago about my age and then followed that up by asking if I was married. When I told her that I was not, she replied with “Why not?” Smile, laugh a little, and exit the conversation.
Am I against relationships and marriage? Absolutely not, but we are doing something massively wrong because half of the people who do end up getting married apparently do not believe in the idea themselves. Things are too complicated and they are all brought on by us as a whole and the things we do as people. I do not want to impress anyone, I would rather just exist and do well in the things I enjoy in order to share whatever those things may be with others while keeping a humble head about my shoulders. I have a heart to give and a heart to care; so much that it often confuses people or makes them think I have another motive or desire something of them. Not matching the stereotype of a typical guy (or girl) is an automatic trip to the friend-zone (occasionally the unjustified creepy-zone if the other party is the prudish type). Yet, the majority of those who live in this place do have other motives, so I am not entirely sure what I am anymore or if my kind even exists beyond whatever I am. The last Dodo, so to speak.
Call me lazy, call me stupid, call me anything you like, but I would rather be in a strong and honest bond of a few great people than tangled in a romance where someone is putting on the cloak of perfection for months or even years towards me. Trusting people is not as simple as many of us tend to believe. This is not at all meant to be bitter if the lot of it came across that way because I am content with myself and where I am. Maybe one day I will get married, but I am sure that in the moment I will be well aware of whom I am taking that huge step with rather than figuring out some disturbing truth later on. Maybe I am old fashioned or just one without a grip on reality, but if your relationship does not start out with an expectation of romance, I feel it as being much more honest in today's world. I probably am crazy after all, but I am happy to be a friend until something unexpected happens otherwise. No surprises. No regrets. No games.
Grace and Peace,
-Drew
Current Song: Tokyo Police Club – Boots of Danger
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