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Friday, May 10, 2013

I Keep My Eyes On The People, That's The Prize...

I made the decision earlier today that I was not going to write a blog.  There have been too many things happening lately and Friday is the one chance for me to calm down and just crash after getting home.  I even fell asleep on the couch in my bedroom for a moment until my friend sent me a text message that woke me up.  Car issues, work deadlines running full-speed ahead, still fighting occasional nose bleeds, and my uncle died on Wednesday; these are all reasons most would say I should have fallen back asleep and just taken time to not worry about writing anything and sleep it off until tomorrow.  No.  My mind does not allow itself to turn off that easily.

Last night, at the funeral home of all places, a cousin much older than me who I had not spoken to in years walked up with a smile on her face and the first words out of her mouth were:  "So, Drew, when are you ever going to get married?".  I get that question in some form or another fairly often;  sometimes sarcastically as my cousin asked, and sometimes in expectation of a serious response from me.  I never really know what to say to that other than expressing that I am content with myself at the moment.

Do I believe in marriage?  Yes, I do.  My parents are a living testament to my belief in it and I respect that so much and am thankful for that environment growing up through today.  In complete sincerity, the reason I am not married has nothing to do with not being able to find someone stupid enough to marry me because if that was a huge goal of mine I really do believe it would have happened by now.  Getting married is easy, being married is hard, and more than half of those who get married do not make it.  My faith in the practice for myself diminishes because of that.

I know plenty of people in my age group who say the same thing as I do, but live their lives in an entirely different fashion.  These people go to bars and other places specifically to pick up men or women with no goal in mind except their own sexual desires and short term conquering goals.  That is not me in the least bit, not even in earshot, actually.  I really think I am the only socially developed male left who has never gone "out" with the intent of meeting a woman.  That makes me dull, I guess.  This is not saying I am a massive homebody, because I am not that person either and like new experiences.  However, I think our dating practices are so flawed that I want no part of them.  

As I have said in a previous blog, we have entire magazines, blogs, and YouTube channels devoted to dating tips and tricks.  That does not sit well with me and I would rather be myself all of the time, not trying specifically to impress anyone or going out anywhere with any pretensions other than having a good time.  The romance you see in movies and television does not exist to me and I really do not think you can create any amount of a solid connection with someone by setting up a date after one, initial meeting.  Did it work in past generations?  Absolutely!  But now, we are too educated, too connected to the entire world, and have too many methods of communication to allow ourselves to grow steadily together, if that makes sense.  There are exceptions to every rule, but most people do not fit into the latter description.

The thing is, if I am going to get married, I would rather it be with someone I have a solid foundation of knowledge and experience with long before romance even enters the picture.  I know too many people who dated for multiple years, lived together, married, and divorced because they ended up not having a clue who they actually married.  Is my method normal?  Heck no, but when has anything I have said sounded normal?  Tell me there is not a single part of it that makes sense though.  You must find a little truth in my idea somewhere.  I do not date because the pressure is not worth it to me and I have convinced myself the odds of me ever actually knowing the person beyond the dating mask and fluffed-up impressions are pretty slim and none of this is worth any effort on my end.  Sorry.  

I am not married.  I am happy.  This does not mean I am a serial dater.  This does not mean I am gay.  This does not mean I have a list of women on call.  This does not mean I think the concept and practice of marriage is dead. 

This does mean that I think much differently than most anyone else my age.
This does mean I may be single forever.
I am fine with that.
Anymore questions?

Grace and Peace,

Today's blog title came from the lyrics of this song:



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