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Sunday, August 4, 2013

Chivalry? He's Dead, Boys. Pack It Up.

 That conversation was all sarcasm, and funny to me.
Chivalry may not be dead, but it is actually in a slow, seeping process of torture on the cusp of it's last days.  Those are strong words to be reading right now, but I find this idea as both the truth and an entirely relevant theme. Our generation has evolved from the romantic and thoughtful practices of a few decades ago and become mostly “creepy”. What I mean by this is that practically everyone in the present is being brought up in life with a hunger for, but insensitivity to romance; which is a necessary vehicle if you ever intend to love someone outside of your family. We really tend to dwell on the physical side of our desires over a real, well-minded connection which would actually make sense and spawn longevity.  One of the big problems in our insensitivity to romance is what I call the “Creeper Theory”. 

During a more innocent time, men wrote songs, poems, letters, carved a woman's name into a tree, or used their talents as a way of expressing interest in her.  Sit back and think about this for a minute, if you will.  If someone you had never met before had been noticing you for a while and somehow passed off interest towards your way by writing you a song or a simple little note, what would you think? In your mind, you would be imagining and dreaming it is some really hot, ideal guy, right? Now, say you received a thoughtful notion of interest from a more realistically-featured party? Going even farther, what if the person was average-looking, but had a killer personality which would potentially mesh well with yours, yet you would never know unless you took time to connect with him? If anyone but your physically-ideal, fictional admirer sent such a heartfelt message your way, you would most likely tell your friends that you have a stalker. Well, maybe not that far, but most would say that some random “creeper” was “creeping” on you. (You can reverse this whole idea to the opposite gender or someone apart from yourself as well; it still works.)

  I know that we live in a more dangerous time than the previous generations, but maybe we should not immediately sell others short and buy into what has been drilled into our brains due to terrible television shows and even more terrible music (insert anything else, really). I am not saying if someone expresses interest in you in a way other than a drunken slur of “Hay, yur hawt!!” you should meet them in a dark alley somewhere for real conversation; but maybe you should give them a chance of some sort if they made an effort and be just a bit more open-minded.  

Considering what I have seen in my life experience, the chivalrous or thoughtful tend to also be the same who are judged more harshly and unfairly ostracized for being themselves, while those less trustworthy are more likely to be accepted.  
Wait, what?
  We live in a very strange time and while it may seem like I am pushing or blaming this issue on women, I am not at all because men are taught this indirectly and I hate every part of that, so I am blaming dudes.

I had a friend tell me a few years ago "If you want a woman to like you, act like disinterested jerk."  Yes, because that is exactly what I am looking to do:  start off talking to anyone in a way that does not show who I really am.  Apparently this is a pretty common mindset and practice for men because I have heard the same thing many times since then, but I cannot be that person.  Watching other men act that way both makes me want to throw up as well as feel the need to beat some sense of decency into them. 

The games and stupidity have created too many rules in the social aspect of meeting people these days.  There are rules for how quickly you call/text someone after getting their number, rules for when you make things "official", rules for when you show interest, and even rules for when you start acting like the person you really are instead of acting like someone you are not.  Just as with many other parts of my life that require thinking, I try not to become a product of any rules, but would rather be my own person and push for my own goals and experiences in life while allowing everything else to happen around me.
A few months ago, my cousin, who is nearly sixty years old and divorced, said to me:  

"I feel really sorry for you.  Meeting someone for people your age seems like a bigger pain in the ass than it was when I was younger."  

Yes, it really is.
We can only blame ourselves.

If you want to know more about my thoughts on how men should really treat women, take a look at a blog I wrote last week by clicking here.

Grace and Peace,

-Add me. Stalk me.  Tweet me.  I really do not mind.-
Twitter:  @JDrewSilvers



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