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Thursday, September 19, 2013


I told myself not to write about this - not because I didn't want to, but because I could write a novel in and of itself based on the topic.  Also, you know the subject matter is something big based not upon the fact of me using a contraction in a blog, but having such contained in the first sentence of said blog.

The last time I wrote anything about love was many years ago, before my first career, before forming a relatable identity, and much before I would consider myself to be a full-fledged adult.  Truthfully, I do have very strong ideas about love and they did not begin to develop until one of my professors made a statement about it many years ago which has stuck with me ever since.

Sure, my professor was obviously a religious person based upon the college I went to, but his definition was very straightforward and very secular.
 "Love is not a feeling, nor a choice.  Love is a decision."
Hold on just a minute, because that is in no way what we have been taught through novels, movies, television, or music - and the media is always right... Just as those viral posts on Facebook are based upon complete facts and truth.  Yeah, a bit like that.

Have you ever noticed how sometimes thoughts or actions begin to lose their personal  purpose over time?  What I mean by personal purpose is our own need or infatuation with anything we cling to. An example of this is when you hear a catchy pop song for the first time - while you know it is not the most awesome song ever written, the infatuation is there until you hear it continually in every form of media after becoming popular (Gotye - Somebody That I Used To Know comes to mind).  The allure quickly fades because hearing that song over and over makes us tire of hearing it.  Love (or at least the culturally-skewed example most of us know) fits right into that category with Gotye and The Macarena.

I think we have somewhat ruined the concept of love by so freely expressing the word while losing the core of what it actually means.  The F-word is used in much the same way as you can say it in essentially any part of speech and it works for different reasons or definitions. Meaning, when we say we "love the smell of fall" none of us have a direct, cognitive relationship to the essence of fall; we enjoy its presence.  This is the same word I defined as a decision, but put forward in a different context.

Feeding off the same idea of enjoying the presence of someone else, we should be able to recognize the difference between someone we enjoy being around and someone we love.  This whole concept is tricky because we make it very complicated. The way in which we "love" an action, object, or presence is not the same way we love other people for the real basis of who they are.  When I say "love is a decision" what do I mean?

People tend to "fall in love" and I absolutely despise that phrase.  Anything you fall into, you can back out of somehow - think it over. Ask anyone who has been in a psychological struggle and they will tell you that any happening can be overcome or compromised to acceptance if the human will to survive and make a real change prevails.  "Falling" for someone opens the door for vulnerability and all but closes the door for security, while making for a false sense of it. I say this because I know too many people who tell someone they love them for outside purposes when they have no reason to say such a thing.  Guess what?  Saying you love someone with an ulterior motive or as a way to get something you want is ruining one of the most pure relation factors we can have as people - not to mention the effect doing so has on the innocent party.

"But love is a feeling, I get butterflies and happy."  Chocolate, the beach, and even NASCAR have the same effect on people, but you cannot compare the connection of human contact to that of objects or locations, right?  Emotions and feelings are their own entities, and so is love.  Love can have feelings and emotions within it, sure, but the basis of love is love itself. Confused yet?

We have all but lost sight of love and the commitment it entails to keep the true meaning of the word intact.  Saying you love someone involves real and complete commitment; a promise to never turn your back on someone and put your own needs aside for them, no matter what.  This is a decision we make because we want those we truly love to succeed in whatever capacity they need to while willingly sacrificing ourselves for their cause.  Maybe defining a characteristic such as this so mechanically sounds impersonal, but be assured real and honest love is the most personal and most incredible of human experiences.

Is love easy? No.
Is love fast? No.
Is love romantic?  There is nothing more so.
Love is based upon every bit of who someone is and the way in which they connect to you in every way - permanently.  Not just physically, aesthetically, emotionally, or relational - in EVERY way.

There are few people in this world I will go right out and say "I love you" to, but if I do, know that it is not taken lightly on my end.  If you say the same to me, I also expect the same level of realism and not passive abuse of the definition.  Over the years, I have learned to recognize the difference and in that, keep my circle very small.

Remember:
 -If you fall in love, you can fall right back out.
-If you really love someone, you are in it for life.

Hate is a strong word, but the misuse of "love" can be much more detrimental.

Grace and Peace,
-Drew

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The lyrics in the title of this blog came from this song:

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