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Saturday, January 24, 2015

Sometimes There Are No Excuses...

Hi there. 
 I know I haven't been here since November, but that doesn't mean I haven't been paying attention.  Actually, I was certain that my subscribers would have fallen off, but you're all still here and I see that I have gained a few, which is surprising.  I'm still getting emails and still responding to each and every one, so thank you for the continued support and interaction.  I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't post any content that I was not proud of, so this isn't to say I don't have quite a few unpublished drafts saved here, because there are at least a dozen, but they didn't end up as I wanted, so they'll be staying where they are for the time being.

I always focused this blog not on advice, because I'm certainly in no position to tell anyone how to live their life directly, but I've always been that person who people like to talk to.  If you have read anything I've written over the past two hundred-ish blogs over the past two years, I've mentioned that quite a few times.  I have been that go-to sort of guy for most of my existence - that sort of shoulder to cry on type, or the person that has been woken up to someone standing on my doorstep at two in the morning, in tears (read that here, if you want).  Some people are just wired for that, I guess, and others tend to take notice.  With all of the support experience and learning from what other people have done, you would really think that I'd have my collective shit together and be able to hold my own because I've seen how life situations have a tendency to impact others from their relationships, divorces, to expected death, unexpected death, and even suicide.  I should have figured it out by now, you know, how to handle situations because I have seen so many others walk through those experiences not being happy with how they handled it.

There was a period of about six months recently when I was called by someone every single day to just listen to her situation with her crumbled relationship.  Sometimes people just need to be listened to, and she kept saying over and over: 
"I said I wouldn't be that girl.  That I would never be that girl.  Now?  Now I am that girl."
She's a strong person.  She has been through some pretty awful stuff and I appreciate her taking confidence in me to talk about it.  (For the record, she reads my blog and she doesn't mind me posting this.  I asked.)  What I should have taken away from this was what most people tend to - of not wanting to be in a situation of letting their emotions get the best of them.  I realized something through my own experiences though - letting your emotions get the better of you is very easy.  It can make you regret things, and make you temporarily become something you aren't.

This post is more of a confession to my readership about my flaws as a human than anything else.  While the things I write about here tend to be somewhat positive, uplifting, and always realistic, people assume that I don't carry the traits of the typical person (or call me out on it through email, which shocks them when I agree with their assessment).  The outpouring of emails from those who read them have a tendency to praise me for being of sound mind and strength, but I'm quick to correct those misconceptions. 
As I said before: we are flawed - all of us. I am no different because sometimes I do let my thoughts get the better of me and let my emotions take over.  Does it happen often?  Absolutely not, and I definitely should know better than to allow my mind to overreact to things outside of my own control, but truth be told?  I haven't ever met a person who doesn't have the occasional lapse in reasonable thought.  I'm convinced that to a point, we all crash and burn while looking back a little while later to say:
"What the hell did I just do/say?"
That's not an excuse by any means to go balls out crazy once every few years, because there is no logical reason to be abusive to yourself or anyone else for any result or lapse in judgment.  

The truth is though, recently, I did let my emotions get the better of me and it is amazing how much damage one can create within just one hour's time when you allow your mind to fall out of reason.  Just like the person mentioned above, I went from being that go-to sort of guy to being "that guy".  Blame it on stress, adrenaline, your heart, or anything else, but I will blame it on myself.  I know better, I have learned better, and I have encouraged others to not do so, but everyone makes a personally illogical decision they must own up to every now and then.  My case wasn't anything violent or physical because I can firmly say that nothing would ever bring me to that point - it was all psychological and without excuse.  Sometimes you do things that cannot be repaired, and sometimes it can.
It doesn't make you any less disappointed in yourself regardless of the outcome, and it doesn't help your heart being broken into pieces over it. 
What it does, though?
It gives you an opportunity to grow, and I'm not one to make the same, damaging decision twice.
Actually, if I'm honest, it shouldn't have happened in the first place.
Sometimes there is no excuse.
Sometimes you do have regrets.

Never stop growing.
Use every moment of weakness as an opportunity to grow into something better. 

Grace and Peace,



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