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Saturday, April 19, 2014

Confessions Of A Former Whipping Boy...

Loyalty seems like an easy enough concept to embrace for most people - you either have a commitment  to someone or you don't.

Sometime last week I put up this Facebook status:
Now, I'm not some deep, philosophical thinker who likes to push my brand of inspiration on anyone, but if something like what you see above crosses my mind, I'll put it up on Facebook because someone may get a little something out of reading it.  Honestly, most of the time I post my thoughts as a reminder to myself (this blog included) and this time was no different for me because I kept coming back to read it and ponder a bit.   

I'm no stranger to honesty because I try to be as upfront as I can with people and anyone who knows me in the real world is well aware of this. Admittedly, sometimes I can go a little "too far" for someone else's liking, but I really don't care - I gave you the truth and that's what matters.  This is a big part of the reason why my circle of friendship is so small and it has to do with the aspects of truth within value and loyalty more than anything else.  Acquaintances are easy to come by but friends, real friends, are not.  In short, a real friend won't lie to you for any reason.

As a generation we are a little too comfortable with deception because even if we had the greatest upbringing imaginable, the cultural prominence of deception has become more and more accepted as a daily occurrence.   The easy way out of any situation is to come up with an excuse, which is always a lie at the very core.  Excuses and explanations are entirely different in the same way that mistakes are completely different than lapses in judgement.
Does that make sense?

I have had all sorts of people come in and out of my life with varying degrees of purpose over the years.  In the past, many have seen me as a person to lean on and one who listens or is willing to take an earful of whatever they needed to get out of their system.  As I grew older, I became more of the person who is still intent on listening but is more in tune to showing a little less sympathy and showing a brutally honest realism towards those who need it.  The thing is, I have continued to grow and as such, have lost most of the relationships of those who saw me as the sensitive type when I stopped being the most local punching bag.  I had these "friends" who would be so close to me when they were hurt or needed something, but had sparse and selective time for me when their process of life had smoothed out.
This is where the loyalty issue stems from, not just for me, but as a whole in our "culture".
This is where people are unwilling to have real loyalty in their relationships and instead have a certain person they go to for a certain thing in life.
Less commitment means less maintenance, right?

What I have realized in my own growth as a person is how little the empty relationships matter, how insignificant the one-sided relationships actually are, and how a small circle of people who treat you like family is always better than a big circle of people who categorize you as "this person" or "that person".

We lie.
As a people we lie too much.
When we were kids we were taught that telling the truth was the most important life rule.
We have just as well never heard of the concept of truth.

We use these lies and all manner of socially-accepted deception to "build" relationships we only have time for when we need something.  We have these contacts who serve one purpose which is our own, personal gain; favors we will never return and people we blow off.  We build these people up to the point of them thinking we have such a strong and necessary purpose and bond in each other's life, but it couldn't be further from the truth.

We. Accept. This.


I don't anymore.
I would rather have one friend who is happy to talk to me than having a one out of ten chance that one of my "purpose friends" will pick up when I call.

Loyalty isn't casual and loyalty isn't social.
Loyalty is a bond.
A bond is real friendship and real, uninterrupted connection.

Think it over.

Grace and Peace,



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