Live Your Own Death...

I have been thinking, and not about anything of monumental evaluation, but more realistically than in the past.  Spending considerable time alone can do this to a person, especially when that time is spent in taking long runs on wooden paths.  My constant and my handicap tends to dwell on the reality of death, and none of this has to do with romanticizing the subject nor is me having the wishful thinking that some day I will be in such a place.  Maybe I think far too much, but while there is a calm and freedom of being alone which puts me in a better place, there is always a lingering feeling of whom else may be watching.  Is there someone waiting for me to cross their path when I am not expecting them?  Should I even fear that in general?  My answer is “no”.

I really believe we are all given a set period of time to just be and live the way in which we choose.  Everything happening for a reason and purpose is not realistic at all because we, and nobody but ourselves are the only forces who dictate what we actually are.  One of my closest friends made a choice a few years ago that it was time for his life to be over.  I think about him every day and most likely always will.  My mind fills with thoughts of what he was thinking about when swallowing those pills; when writing the notes I still have not read.  Here I am, watching his children grow up, and he will never know anything about them at all.  In his case, things could have been much different, but as I said, we are who and what we teach ourselves to be.  

I have cheated death more times than I should have by now and have made past decisions which could have ended badly for me.  Everyone does these things which the world would never expect of them due to their own perception of who that person has become over time.  Had my decisions resulted in my demise as a few should have, there would be nobody to blame other than myself, even if some of the onlookers may have blamed themselves through their own eternity.  

Looking back, I have been to more funerals than anyone I know and if anything, this has taught me that we all have just one shot at life.  Living life to the fullest is a cliché which has lost every ounce of meaning since the time of the concept's inception.  What I have learned instead is to live life with a purpose and legacy.  We should make sure we are never forgotten and never end up as just a headstone or a can of ashes catching a breeze.  These are things we should think about and perceptions we should be well aware of as we convey them to others every single day, not just at certain instances of time.  I have been to those funerals and known those people who are remembered as being “nice” and nothing more.  There are those I knew who may have been remembered by a few people, but within a generation will be reduced to a name in the newspaper or on public records.  The typical, the average, the people who died young as no fault of their own, but left behind nothing other than being the definition of “normal” or having the expectations of their generation's silly ideas be the only thing they lived for.  Some ended their lives on their own accord and left bitter and confused people behind, though still nothing of memorable substance.

Do you see what I mean?  There is no purpose in life if we are not remembered for something other than being “typical”.  Not one of us know when we may pass at the hand of someone else, which is why I think about these things when I am running by myself.  I have no sense of paranoia about me, rest assured – I am simply aware of my potential reality.  

The last thing I want to be remembered for is as someone typical of my age.  I never want to be remembered as “Drew the sports fan, car guy, or social butterfly.”, which may as well read “Drew, the forgettable.” I write because I want to leave something permanent behind me and I display it for the public since finding it in a box after I die means nothing has served its purpose and I will still be forgotten.  

Remembered by the masses?  No, just a few outside of my circle who would not think me as average.  Truthfully, we are who and what we surround ourselves with and thus will be remembered by those same parameters.  Keep me away from being normal.  

Take a risk every now and then, but do not make the same mistake twice.

Listen to yourself with a clear head and never take anyone for granted.

Escape what the world expects of someone your age.

Give the world something to talk about.

You never know when your time will come to a close.

You're rarely as "epic" as you appear on Facebook.

Grace and Peace,
-Drew


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